Even on the bad days when I'm struggling to go on I can still try my best to keep carrying on
It's tough to push through it to reach for my dreams but I can still keep going what else is there to do?
Sure, I might fail I might end up going backwards but other days, if I'm lucky I'll find just the right words
I can make a difference I can keep moving on Above all else I can still try
My demons are many
Anxiety Depression Dysphoria
But the biggest one of all the one that haunts my every moment
Trauma
Every cut Every bruise Every slammed door Every hateful scream Every venomous jab
I remember them all
Trauma won't let me forget
But I need to move on Keep moving forward I know it will heal with time The nightmares aren't real It's gonna be okay
Just keep moving forward One day at a time
It's hard to accept that the body I want is still a long way off That my transformation is far from complete
Every day, I struggle feeling disgusted as though my body is covered in a foul smelling slime that I can never wash away
But I carry on finding joy in every new day always looking to a future when I don't fees this way anymore when I finally feel like me
One day I will have a body in which I'm comfortable
One day I will smile at my reflection
One day I won't shudder when I think of myself
One day
One day
There are people that want to take my right to live to erase people like me to force me to live in misery
I know they aren't all evil But they don't want to understand me And they do want to control me So how can I trust them?
Especially when They bully me into compliance Threaten me into hiding Force me to follow their rules
But one thing they will never do is make me give up
I refuse
No matter what else they take from me they will never take my hope my will to fight
I refuse
When they try to smother me I will scream out louder
When they try to keep me down I will rise up stronger
When they try to break my spirit I will refuse to give up
#Poetry #TouchTheClouds #Determination #Hope #Trans #TransRights
Mirror, Mirror, what do I see? My own self-loathing reflected back at me I've changed so much, and yet all I do is look in you and fret My face isn't the same at all I'm even learning how to walk tall but I can only see what I believe: this self-doubt that never wants to leave So I'll repeat day after day the affirmations I've learned to say in the hopes that I'll make it real that it will become the way I feel I'll cast away these feelings blue the feelings, Mirror, Mirror, I can't hide from you
I took a hit and at first I needed to stay down to recover
I stayed curled up crying from the pain but my tears have stopped even if the pain hasn't
I can get back up struggling to stand and look the enemy in the eye so they know I won't stay down forever
What everyone needs to understand is that I'm fighting for my dreams sometimes, I need to stay down but I will always get back up
Because I will never give up
Little mousegirl Alone in a big world searching for someone to hold
Scared mousegirl Monsters all around never knowing who to trust
Sad mousegirl Hurt by the monsters She's curled up crying her tears
Lonely mousegirl Cut off from the world kept locked up by her own fear
Kind mousegirl Always trusting no matter how many times she gets hurt
Happy mousegirl She found the good The warm, loving people with whom she belongs
We were built differently We work in ways that so many don't understand So they called us names
Weird Creepy Disgusting Wrong Broken Burden
They said those words Over and over and over Until we believed them We started calling ourselves that
But they're wrong We are not broken We are not burdens No, we are
Kind Trusting Loving Silly Beautiful Special Different
If they can keep saying all those mean words Then why can't we say all those kind words?
Let's use new words to describe who we really are And keep using them over and over again until we believe them
Sometimes Life hits HARD too fast to react too strong to take too much to bear and I have to stop and rest When I do I realize I wasn't ready Life was worse than I thought it'd be
It's so easy to become jaded to assume Life will always be this bad
Sometimes Life surprises me it's soft and calming, gentle and kind, warm and loving Life is looking out for me I realize Life was better than I thought it'd be
It's so hard to take Life one day at a time But I still have those moments of kindness to remind me
That Life isn't always as bad As I thought it'd be