You taught me How to step back and breathe How to love unconditionally How to take breaks
You were there When I missed the bus When my son was born When something in my house broke
You accepted me Through every shortcoming Through every breakdown Through every change
You are My support My friend My dad
A warm hug A hand to hold A bright smile A soul full of love
These were foreign to me Trapped in other people's worlds So I pursued them At the cost of myself
But the truth is I have those things too And I will always be with me So I can be my own affection
It's late and my feelings are running wild I can't control them anymore It's time to brush my teeth and go to bed
I'll be better in the morning, but now all those horrible thoughts are loose the ones I struggle to keep at bay all the time I need to brush my teeth and go to bed
You can ask me how I'm doing but you won't like the answer so instead, I gonna go to my room It'll be better once I brush my teeth and go to bed
I know it's scary It's even worse inside my head but tomorrow is a bright new day So I'm gonna brush my teeth and go to bed
I got my nails done They're bright and sparkly now And it makes me happy So that's what I did
I got my hair dyed Now it's colorful And growing just how I want it So that's what I did
I shaved my legs Now they're soft and smooth And it brings a smile to my face So that's what I did
No more doing what other people want for the sake of pleasing them I'm doing what I want
Yes That's what I'll do
Look at this I worked so hard on it Even though it's not perfect It's amazing
See how it shines right there? That took two weeks See the way it spins and goes? That took three months
I worked and struggled and cried There were a lot of times I wanted to quit But in the end, I made it work Me
I'm good at this I'm proud of myself And you know what? That's okay
It's okay to boast and brag It's okay to show off a little bit After all, I worked really hard so today
I'm gonna take some time to appreciate myself
I don't need you to tell me I'm pretty I know I am But it helps to hear it
I don't need you to tell me you love me I already love me But more love can't hurt
I don't need you to tell me I'm a girl I already am one But sometimes it's hard
I don't need validation I'm learning how to validate myself Even though it's tough But I'm going to keep trying
Because I know that
I am a lovely, pretty girl
It's been a year since I last held you Since I last saw your smile Since I last felt your joy
I still think of you How you were always happy How you thought you were bigger than everyone else How you always took care of me
I can see your ghost When I come home to quiet When I wake up to no one there When I lie down and no one runs over to me
One year later I still cry for you I still love you I still miss you
I've been abused tricked betrayed abandoned ostracized hurt
This is how trauma is made No matter what anyone else says
I have trauma
I don't ask for pity or admiration I'm already taking care of myself
For you see Despite my trauma
I am still beautiful I am still worthy I am still enough I am still sparkling
Have you ever looked at the stars in the sky and wondered what's up there moving and zooming about?
Have you ever looked at the knots on a tree and wondered if creatures could be nestled among them?
Have you ever looked at the blades of grass in a field and wondered what civilizations could be calling them home?
Have you ever looked into what we call reality and dared to dream of what could be?
I need words Full of love and praise
I need time To laugh To cry To talk To be heard
I need affection The warm touch Of one I love
These are my needs It's valid to express them And they are important