I care too much
Obsessed with the idea that everyone should be happy I toss my own feelings aside
Even when I try To say “This is how I feel” It's so easy for my words to be lost in the waves of other's feelings
When I try I fail So how can I ever learn to succeed?
I need to listen to my body to her needs I need to honor my boundaries I need to remember it's okay to struggle now so I can be better later
I care about everyone else It's time to start caring about me
I don't control how anyone else FEELS I don't control what anyone else DOES
They can choose how they feel about me They can choose how they want to treat me
My actions might HURT them might UPSET them might ANGER them but that wasn't my intent I did what I thought was right for me
I control me Only me Their feelings good or bad are theirs They are not my responsibility
I am responsible only for me
I'm not alone Not at all There are so MANY people Friends Loved ones Who are there for me if I need them I only need to ask
it's only me walking My journey is only about me I am important So I will take time to care about only me
There will be time to help others later in my journey There will be time for their problems when I am ready
Until then I will reserve my strength to make sure that I have what I need to care for me
Life became a mess With so little warning Tearing me away from the safety I thought I knew
What now?
What now?
I don't know
But I can worry about it Tomorrow
For today
Pause
No more worries No terror or anxiety No heartbreak or pain Let it all stay at the door
And simply be
Enjoy this moment Fear not the rest of life Put it on pause And I'll simply be
For so long I fell into step Like a soldier Marching to a drum
Desperate for acceptance I chased my warped idea Of “belonging” Twisting and changing Caring so much about what everyone else wanted But what about me?
I want to paint my nails to wear a skirt and soft sweater I want to stare up at the sky and daydream about magic
I care what you want But I can't force you to accept me Instead I'll do what I love Because in the end I love ME
I am here I am visible I will be seen Speaking out is scary can get me hurt ostracized abandoned But this is who I am and I will be me I will not be silent No matter how loud I have to be I will let the world know that I EXIST
I have a pair of magical socks They might look ordinary to others But to me, they are most extraordinary They helped me open my eyes
They showed me who I really am
Their rainbows lit up my way The moment I slipped them on And from that moment I have refused to go back
I love who I am I will never hide myself again My eyes are open, never to be closed All thanks to my magical socks
Sometimes my brain is confusion and chaos A balloon of noise about to go POP
I need to ease the pressure I know how I just need to let it all out
Please be patient Please be kind I'm dumping out my brain with you because I trust you
Because I need to let it all out
My head is a mess Full of thoughts I can't convey Words images Half incomplete sentences All running together like paint To form a blurred idea
But my thoughts are IMPORTANT
Just like me
So I need you To be patient And wait while I make sense of the beautiful chaos That is me
My pain is not funny I am not a toy for your amusement
You can say over and over again that it's only a joke
But I am not laughing
I'm crying SCREAMING and that is not funny
Please stop taking my things Please stop moving them Please stay out of my personal space Please leave me alone
Those are boundaries and ignoring them might make you laugh but it tears me apart
Please respect my boundaries Please stop actively causing me pain Because my pain hurts And it is not funny